Child's Play 3
(The scene opens to the Nostalgia Critic sitting at the table.) NC: (imitating Phelous) Hi, guys. I'm Phelous, and today, we're gonna do another Child's Play movie! And you see, the thing with that is it has to be a crossover with me, the Nostalgia Critic! See? I'm so meta, I have to point out that I'm me! (Cut to the couch. Phelous leans in from the right side of the screen.) Phelous: What are you doing? NC: (disgusted) I'm being you. You know, like at the end of the Child's Play 2 review? I thought I was you the whole time! Phelous: No, you haven't. That didn't carry over to any of your videos. NC: Oh. (waving hands) PLOT HOLE! Phelous: Uh, not really. That's more of a continuity error. NC: PLOT HOLE! Phelous: Okaaay... So, Child's Play time again? That's why you do direct video feed open to me? NC: Wait. What??? (A video of the Nostalgia Critic is floating in front of Phelous.) Phelous: You know, the video we see of each other when we do cameos or crossovers like this. (A video of Phelous is floating in front of the Nostalgia Critic.) NC: What the hell? No! No, no, no! I don't think I like this! You know, let's go back to the normal shot! Phelous: OH, FINE. (He snaps his fingers and the screen reverts back to normal.) NC: You know, that's really something we could've gone without seeing. EVER! Phelous: You're wel-come! NC: And hey, Mr. Smarty Pants, where did the cameras go during those shots? Phelous: Well, obviously, we had to pick the cameras up and move them over to get a different shot... NC: (slams fist) That was already too meta! Stop over-meta-ing it! I've never done anything meta! Phelous: What's meta? NC: (glares) I hate you. It's Child's Play 3 time! (The episode's title card comes up, along with the opening theme to ''Child's Play 3. The scene cuts to the inside of the Play Pals factory, which has been abandoned for eight long years. A bunch of workers are clearing the doll parts off of the cobweb-covered conveyor belts and working benches.)'' Phelous: We start off back where Child's Play 2 finished; in the Good Guy doll factory. NC: Geez. This place has seen better days. How long has it been since Child's Play 2? (A worker is sweeping up the floor as the camera moves in on the remnants of the Chucky doll.) Phelous: One year. NC: One year? To get all those cobwebs and be completely run-down? (An image of an IMDb about the second and third ''Child's Play films comes up. A scene from the second film comes up, showing Andy spraying liquid plastic all over Chucky, before cutting back to the run-down factory.)'' Phelous: Well, between films. Storyline-wise, it's been eight years. NC: Yeah, you could've said that first. (A grappling claw descends over Chucky's remains. When it grasps a hold of the ruined toy, it punctures the sides. Red blood starts seeping out, since Charles Lee Ray's soul still remains inside. The claw carries the bloody remains up and over a vat of molten plastic. Droplets of blood land in the plastic, whereupon it starts bubbling up and starts swirling down in the center.) Phelous: Yup, I could have! Anyway, they're cleaning up, 'cause the factory is reopening. And naturally, since multiple crimes took place here, including murder, it was never investigated and everything was left exactly where it was. NC: Oh, no! It's the rise of the Chucky clone army! (A scene of the gun barrel opening from the James Bond movie ''You Only Live Twice suddenly appears on top of the swirling red colors of the film's opening titles. Bond's theme can be briefly heard as he turns around and fires at the camera and more red starts dripping down the screen. The scene cuts back to the blood-infused plastic reforming the shape of Chucky's head. Chucky lets out a big "NO!" as the camera zooms in on his open mouth and fades back to the Nostalgia Critic.)'' NC: Oh, wait, I'm sorry. The plastic knew to form itself back into one guy. Phelous: And you know, that's an ability we totally have as humans. Because he's completely human now, he can bleed into plastic and resurrect himself, just like a real person can! NC: I think we've worn that bit out completely, though. Phelous: (sighs) Yeah, you're right. NC’s Casper: (appears in front of NC) TIMING! Phelous: (disgusted) You really had to bring that back??? NC: What can I say? People love him. (Phelous waves his hands and speaks an indecipherable spell, sucking Casper to the right and off screen.) NC: Casper? Casper! Wha-- Where'd he go this time, Phelous? Phelous: Heh heh. You don't wanna know... (A sound of a toilet flushing is heard and the sound of someone gurgling follows. The Nostalgia Critic looks shocked.) NC: You diabolical BASTARD! ("Game Over" style music plays as Phelous shrugs.) NC: (A scene of Chucky reviving himself from the blood-infused plastic.) You know, Charles Lee Ray sure is lucky this plastic was being used to make a doll. What if it was being used to make something like a children's picnic table? (shot of a Little Tikes picnic table) Phelous: Or a small child's toilet? (shot of a potty) NC: (shouting) DON'T BRING TOILETS UP RIGHT NOW! (Casper appears in front of the Chucky doll.) (sobbing) Casper... Phelous: Meanwhile, Mr. Shove-It-Up-Your-Asses' toy company is having a meeting to remind themselves why they pulled the Good Guy off the shelves eight years ago. 'Cause, you know, I guess they forgot. Board Member #1: Where is the wisdom in putting the Good Guy back on the market? Phelous: Yeah, probably a question to raise before it goes back into production. NC: And you know, it's a solid business practice to abandon your factory instead of, oh, I don't know ... USING IT TO MAKE ONE OF YOUR TOYS! Phelous: Speaking of toys, Shove-It-Up-Your-Ass lives in a suite full of them. You know, like all factory owners do, I'm sure. (A board member carries the Chucky doll and sets it down on the sofa.) NC: Hmm. Using my extreme detective skills, I'm going to say that the doll he's bringing in is, in fact, Chucky. Phelous: Oh, way to go, Critic! You win! NC: (excited) Oh boy! What do I win? Phelous: An over-seven-minute scene of him fucking around before Chucky actually kills him. NC: What??? (Chucky starts setting up traps for Mr. Sullivan. The TV suddenly turns off, and Mr. Sullivan notices the remote is missing. Chucky slides the remote near Mr. Sullivan's hand while he fumbles underneath the sofa, searching for it. Chucky then spills the jar of marbles along with a golf ball, causing Mr. Sullivan to slip up. Suddenly, all sorts of toys start activating and seem to head in his direction. When he gets up, he notices two Good Guy dolls, sitting in the chairs, chatting away to one another.) Phelous: That's right. First, serial killer Charles Lee Ray needs to do things like turn his TV off and then hide the remote -- and then give it back to him. Oh, and we can't forget the absolutely pivotal part of his new plan of making him slip on marbles! 'Cause you know, that leads to him getting confused by a bunch of other toys Charles Lee Ray has taken the time to set up as well, including two other Good Guy dolls talking to each other. NC: Daaah! (He claps both hands over both ears.) Phelous: Getting to the point really isn't his strong suit, is it? NC: Or yours. Phelous: (chuckles) Shut up. (Chucky then whacks Sullivan in the back of the head with a golf club, knocking him to the floor.) Chucky (Brad Dourif): DON'T FUCK WITH THE CHUCK! Phelous: Ah. It's great to hear Oscar winner Brad Dourif back in his best role of all time. NC: (sighs) Okay, I know Brad Dourif never won an Oscar for jutting his lower jaw out. (yelling) BUT HE SHOULD HAVE! (Chucky then strangles Sullivan by wrapping the string of a yo-yo around his neck.) Phelous: And I'm kinda confused how this guy "fucked with Chuck". You'd think Charles might be a little appreciative of getting him a new body. Chucky: (turning to the computer) You're my only ticket out of here, Andy. Phelous: Well, that's solid reasoning. I mean, it was too late eight years ago, but I'm sure it'll work now. NC: Well, maybe he still has a little bit of time to switch bodies again now. I mean, if he starts working his way over to Andy's now to do the chant... (There is a pause. Suddenly, both Phelous and NC break out in laughter.) Phelous: (laughing) Rush right over! Chucky: Where are you, ya little shit? Phelous: (mimicking Chucky) "I'll just look you up on the 1991 internet." (The computer brings up Andy Barclay's file. It says that he's currently 16, and he's been remanded to Kent Military School. It also states that "the subject has had a history of delinquent activities prompting probation and juvenile authorities jurisdiction, but at no time did our officers violate Sections 3.4.546b or 3.4.5t4a of the Penal Code in and for the state regarding the subsections pertaining to minor children". The bus then arrives at the entrance to Kent Military School as Andy, now 16, glances out the window.) NC: Or, you know, Mr. Shove-It-Up-Your-Ass just keeps extremely up-to-date files on Andy -- up to the day, even -- as he's just being transferred to military school. Phelous: And our new Andy is played by none other than Justin Whalin. NC: Justin Whalin? Phelous: Ah ha, yeah. I know what that's making you think of. NC: (chuckles) Yup. Phelous: Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman. NC: No! What the hell's the matter with you? I'm talking about Dungeons and Dragons! Yadadadadadadadadada! Phelous: That wasn't even Justin Whalin who did that, though. NC: Don't care. He was in it, so I'm allowed. Yadadadadadadadadada! Phelous: NO! NC: Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-daaaaaa! Phelous: NO! BAD CRITIC! BAD! NC: Oh, you're mean! I should've just done this review myself and done this thing the whole time! Yadadadadadadadadada! Yadadadadadadadadada! Yadadadadadadadadada! Phelous: Ah, yeah. That would've been good. What a shame. NC: Maybe I still will. I have time. (does hand motion) Colonel Cochran (Dakin Matthews): I'm willing to cut you some slack, because you've had it so rough. (removes glasses) But you're a troublemaker. Phelous: Pfft. Yeah, Justin Whalin, badass troublemaker. I totally see that one. NC: So, uh, what happened to Kyle after Child's Play 2? Did she just get sent off to the nuthouse with Catherine Hicks? Phelous: Nah, I'm sure she just abandoned him, like everyone else in his life. (A shot of Andy Barclay spins around while one of Phelous' tunes plays. The words "MY LIFE IS AN ENDLESS DISAPPOINTMENT" are at the bottom of the screen. The scene then cuts to Sergeant Botnick, using the shaver on Ronald Tyler.) Sergeant Botnick (Andrew Robinson): Oh yes, yes. Ooh, yes. We're seeing some skin now, aren't we? NC: (gives a disturbed look) Let's...just move on. Phelous: Wait! I got something! Chucky (voiceover): I have a date with a six-year-old boy. NC: (shouting) DAMN IT! I'd like to go one Child's Play review without boy rape! Wow, that was dark. (Phelous just gives the shrug.) Botnick: Presto. You're bald. Phelous: (mimics Botnick) Yeah. Completely bald, except for that hair still on your head. Botnick: Kiss it goodbye. NC: What is with this guy? Did he just get the film genres mixed up and think this was an over-the-top military school comedy? Did he think he was in Stripes? (The Good Guys commercial plays on TV.) Phelous: Well, it is, kind of. Tou know, just with a doll that kills people in it. And boy, it sure is weird to see Justin Whalin bald like that, huh? NC: Yadadadadadadadadada! Phelous: Ah! NO! (NC whimpers. A montage follows: Harold Whitehurst falling out of the closet and being helped out by Andy, Brett Shelton showing up and yelling in Andy's face, and Kristen De Silva standing up and then making eye contact with Andy.) NC: Well, would you look at this? All the military school film cliches are here. Dorky roommate who gets picked on? Check. Older kid "dad" in charge who abuses his authority? Check. He doesn't like the main character because he's new? Check. (high-pitched) Cool girl who stands up to them and immediately has an attraction to the main character because he's the main character? Check. Phelous: All we need is a "Welcome to Hell" line and the cliche circle will be complete. Harold Whitehurst (Dean Jacobson): (sighs) Welcome to Hell, Barclay. NC and Phelous: DAAAAAAAAH! Phelous: So this kid Tyler gets tasked to deliver Chucky to Andy's room. Considering this is still Andy's first day there, he must've had himself delivered by express jet. NC: Uh, can he breathe in there? Isn't he still turning human? I mean, is...that a plot point, still, or...? Phelous: Oh, fuck if I know at this point. Random Guy: Hey, look out! (Ronald bumps into a guy and he drops the package down the stairs. When he goes to retrieve it, he notices part of the wrapping has come off, revealing the Good Guys logo underneath.) Phelous: (mimicking Ronald) "Good Guy doll? Well fuck that stupid Andy fuck! What's one more disappointment in his life, anyway? Yoink!" NC: So he immediately runs off to the most unguarded spot in the school to play with it: the armory. Phelous: Say, you think the guys running the school are kinda dense? NC: Oh, maybe slightly. (As Ronald unwraps the package, Chucky suddenly lunges out of the box.) Kool Aid Guy (audio): Oh yeah! Chucky: Wait a minute. I got a new body, and I ain't told anyone about my little secret yet. (Clips from the opening of ''Child's Play 2 are shown, with the workers remaking the Chucky doll.)'' NC: Yeah, kinda like that new body you had in the second film, too. Phelous: Seriously, does Chucky have any basis for thinking who he can transfer into has reset? NC: Absolutely not. He just states it like it's a fact here, and the movie treats it as such afterwards. (Cut to Andy Barclay interacting with fellow student Kristen De Silva.) Andy Barclay (Justin Whalin): Is there anything you can't do? Kristen De Silva (Perrey Reeves): Can't seem to get thrown out of this place. NC: (mimicking Kristen) "Yeah, I've tried nothing and I'm all out of ideas." Ronald Tyler (Jeremy Sylvers): What do you call this game, anyway? Chucky: "Hide the Soul". Phelous: So this is going to work, right? Chucky will transfer out and be a little kid for the rest of the film? Chucky: Give me the power, I beg of you! (Unnatural storm clouds start forming above the school.) Phelous: Ho-ho, that crazy weather. Who cares? (As Chucky prepares to perform the chant, he hears the sounds of voices approaching and finds himself interrupted.) Voices: Yes, sir. When we divide the troops in half... Chucky: (softly) Shit. Phelous: Yeah, there's two of them there. You could never take care of them and finish the chant. NC: Or just finish the chant anyway. It's like he's too embarrassed to do this in front of people. (Phelous is holding a complete collection of ''The Real Ghostbusters on DVD.)'' Phelous: (deep voice) My goal is right in front of me! All I have to do is-- NC: Hey! Whatcha doing? Phelous: Um, I was just gonna get Ultimate Reviewer Power. NC: Oh, neat! I'd love to see that! Phelous: Heh heh, okay. (deep voice) Give me the power, I beg of y-- No, no, I can't do it if you're looking. NC: Oh. Well, I'm not going to stop. (Phelous throws the case down in frustration.) Phelous: Well, there goes that, then! (The words "ULTIMATE REVIEWER POWER HAS BEEN LOST FOREVER" appear onscreen.) NC: (sobbing) I'm sorry I made you stop. Chucky: (Good Guy doll voice) I'll be back. (Colonel Cochran takes Chucky and then walks away.) Phelous: (mimicking Chucky) "But first, I've gotta pretend to be a doll in front of other people again. Why? I don't know." NC: Oh well, it's not like he's on a time limit or anything. (Clip of ''Child's Play 2, showing Chucky in the Play Pals factory, angry and with a nosebleed.)'' Chucky: IT'S TOO LATE! I'VE SPENT TOO MUCH TIME IN THIS BODY! (The scene cuts back to the Colonel walking along the path carrying Chucky. Cochran throws Chucky into a dumpster.) NC: Oh yeah. Well, at least it's not like pretending to be a doll for a little will hurt you or anything -- unless you get thrown into a trash compactor. (Chucky gets dumped into the garbage truck.) Chucky: Shit! I'm in here! Garbage Man: I'm coming. (As the garbage man jumps into the back of the truck, Chucky operates the controls. When the garbage man sees the crusher in the back moving, he frantically tries to get out as the door starts closing. His right arm is seen sticking out of the compressor, and the screen fades to darkness as he screams in horrific pain.) Phelous: But at least Chucky's incompetence lands him the kill of the garbage man. NC: Because it's Garbage Day!!! Phelous: We're seriously not past that one either. (NC lets out a high-pitched squeal.) NC: Meanwhile, Andy is still trying to fit in. In military school. Phelous: Yeah, that sure is a lot of who cares. (Andy looks at a picture of himself with his mom from ten years ago.) NC: Hey, remember these two? Neither of them are in this film. Next! Chucky: Long time no see, pal. Andy: You're not gonna kill me. You need me. You need to transfer your soul into my body. Chucky: Wrong again, wimp! I've got some fresh meat lined up and I'm not gonna let you spoil it! Not this time! Phelous: Okay, I seriously want to know at this point. Does Chucky have a self-destructive personality? Is he purposely sabotaging himself? NC: What? Do you think he should do the unthinkable and go transfer his soul instead of announcing his existence and plans to other people who'll undoubtedly stop him? Phelous: Yeah, that was kind of a thought. NC: (scoffing) Chucky's got nothing to worry about. Nothing can stop him! (Andy picks up a shoe and throws it at Chucky.) Except a shoe. (Brett Shelton walks into Andy's room and sees him "toying around" with Chucky.) Phelous: Oh, and other people walking in, 'cause the doll ruse is always the most important thing until near the end, where you won't really care again. Andy: What about the doll? Brett Shelton (Travis Fine): My kid sister's birthday is coming up. Phelous: (mimicking Brett) "Huh-huh. I steal things, 'cause I'm your leader." (Andy silently creeps into Brett's bedroom, knife in hand, to find Chucky and put him down for good.) NC: So that night, when Andy breaks into his room to covertly murder a doll, Charles Lee Ray amazingly remembers that he can move, and has left to go switch bodies. (As Andy looks under the bed, Chucky suddenly shows up behind him.) Chucky: Andy. NC: Oh, Wait. Gave him too much credit. He was still in there. Phelous: Well, of course he couldn't leave this guy's room until he jump-scared Andy. That was absolutely essential to his plans. (Chucky uncovers a note on the bed: "Dear Charles. You're it! Come and find me! Your best friend, Tyler.") Phelous: And I guess Tyler knew Chucky would come to see him tonight. I mean, either that, or he hid that note on his bed all day ready to run off and play hide-and-seek. Andy: The doll's alive. He's after Tyler. I just hope he can take care of himself. Phelous: (mimicking Andy) "I mean, I took care of a killer doll his age and I turned out just fine." (starts sobbing) NC: (chuckles) Oh, Phelous. Your life is a disaster. Phelous: (sobbing) Everything's fine. NC: Your misery brings me joy. Ronald: What are you doing? J. Ivers (Donna Eskra): You'll see. Ronald: Wait! Stop! Ivers: Here you go, little baby. (She smudges lipstick around Chucky's mouth.) Ronald: Come on! Don't! He looks stupid! NC: Well, there's no way Chucky's gonna take this lying down. 'Cause he's gonna...wait until they leave and then make a comment. Chucky: (incensed) This means war. (The ''Looney Tunes theme plays as the screen irises out. It then fades in to a cartoon drum with Child's Play 3 written on it. Chucky comes out of the drum and says, "This means war." The scene then cuts to Colonel Cochran dumping Chucky in the garbage bin. Then it shows Chucky suddenly jumping out from behind the desk yelling in rage, knife in hand.)'' Phelous: And by war, I, of course, mean playing doll again. NC: No, wait! He can kill this guy now, because it's later in the movie! (At the sight of Chucky holding the knife, the Colonel starts suffering a fatal heart attack.) Chucky: Oh, you've gotta be fucking kidding me. (Cochran falls onto the display and shatters it as he dies.) NC: Is this supposed to be funny? Random deaths aren't funny. Mr. Explainy-Pants: Hello, I'm Captain Explainy-Pants. I'm here to tell you what the joke was. You see, the Nostalgia Critic says random deaths aren't funny when he himself has -- (NC shoots him in the chest as red splatters the screen.) Uh! (NC puts away his pistol.) NC: Heh heh. Now that was funny. Mr. Explainy-Pants: The joke... was irony... (He drops dead.) Phelous: So the one thing Chucky could do somewhat confidently is even leaving him now. NC: Child's Play 3. The story of a killer doll who just didn't have what it takes anymore. (Cut to Sergeant Botnick, who has just finished with Whitehurst.) Botnick: Presto. You're bald. Phelous: Could someone show this guy what a bald person looks like? (Botnick sets Chucky down in the barber's chair.) Ugh. You gotta be kidding me. He's gonna cut the doll's hair? (Botnick starts chuckling as he inches closer with the shaver.) NC: Oh, no. Will Chucky get a haircut? The suspense is killing me!!! Phelous: I don't know. I'm just wondering if Barber Man will ever find some way to fill his pathetic life before it's over. (Chucky takes the razor and slashes Botnick's throat. Presto.) Oop, he's dead. NC: And here comes one of the film's dumbest points. Before the school's war games, Chucky switches out the paint rounds with live ammo. Uh, yeah. Ha ha. You can't do that. Phelous: Guns loaded with marker rounds have been modified in a way, making them unable to fire real ammunition. All Chucky would be doing here is stopping them from firing their paint. And when these are being used to fire on others, full protective gear with face masks are worn. Which is why, of course, they're wearing absolutely none of that. Kristen: Come on, Andy. I wanna show you something. (She leads Andy to a clearing. From there, they can see a carnival off in the distance.) Pretty cool, huh? NC: Yeah, we're conducting war games without the proper protective gear right beside a bunch of innocent people. Our recklessness knows no bounds. (Kristen and Andy start making out.) Chucky: Man, I really gotta get outta this body. Phelous: (mimicking Chucky) "Then I'' can be the one kissing Andy." ''(An imagine spot of Brad Dourif's head appears over Kristen's while violin music plays.) NC: So after making out a little and hearing campfire stories, Andy remembers there is sort of that big deal of Tyler's soul being trapped in a doll and goes to finally go get him. Chucky: You're a fucking drag, you know that? Ronald: Watch your mouth, Charles. Chucky: STOP CALLING ME THAT!!! Ronald: Barclay was right. You're not a Good Guy. Phelous: (mimicking Chucky) "And sure, it would've been a lot easier for me to pretend I still just wanted to play with you, since you're so stupid. But I'm also extremely incompetent." (Ronald pulls out a pocket knife and stabs Chucky in the shoulder, making a run for it.) Phelous: (mimicking Chucky) "Oh, I've been stabbed! That's so annoying, 'cause I'm human and such and such!" But uh oh! Chucky caught Andy's girlfriend and wants a prisoner exchange. NC: Well, obviously, Andy isn't stupid or callous enough to actually give up on this little boy's soul. Chucky: All right, kid. Get over here. NC: Oh, come on!!! Phelous: Don't worry, though. Andy has backup with paint rounds. You know, that totally beats a live grenade. (Andy's team rushes in. They start firing their paint guns. One of them hits Chucky's shoulder.) NC: Wait. Seriously, the paint round made him say "Ouch", but being fucking stabbed in the chest barely made him flinch? Phelous: Speaking of which, that stab wound seems to have healed pretty quick, huh? Hell, his clothes even got better. NC: PLOT HOLE! Phelous: THAT'S NOT A PLOT HOLE!!! NC: Yadadadadadadadadada! Phelous: DAAGH! DAMN IT! NC: Heh heh. I owe a debt to Mr. Explainy-Pants. Chucky: Hi, soldier. Heh heh heh heh! (flips off Brett) Phelous: (deep voice) Huh huh! Good one! (One of the red team members fires, not knowing the gun is loaded with a live round. Brett gets hit, and falls over dead.) Background Singers: ♫ Ooh, whatcha say? Oh, that you only meant well? Well, of course you did. ♫ NC: Overused gag. Boring! (Phelous gives an odd look.) NC: Shut up. Phelous: I didn't say anything. (NC glares.) NC: And of course, it takes the Wonder Dummies a good few shots after killing Captain Ass-Head to realize, "We're firing live rounds!" Phelous: Yeah, that thing we shouldn't be able to do! NC: But then things really actually get kind of dramatic when we actually care about someone who dies: the dorky roommate. (Chucky throws a grenade at the troops while they squabble. Harold Whitehurst is the only one who notices and throws himself on top of the grenade as it detonates. Having sacrificed himself, Harold's lifeless body hits the ground.) NC: Wow. I don't know why, but I...actually feel kind of bad that the roommate is dead. Well played, Child's Play 3. Well played. Right, Phelous? (Phelous, having his nose stuck in a strategy guide for ''Castlevania II: Simon's Quest, hasn't exactly been paying much attention to what's happened just now.)'' Phelous: What? (sarcastically) Oh, uh, yeah, that's totally sad and whatever. NC: (annoyed) You fucking monster. Phelous: (sarcastically) Whatever. Here's what this scene is missing. (A sound of running liquid is heard as a stream of yellow liquid runs in front of a still of Harold's body.) NC: (annoyed) Oh, God! YOU MONSTER! Phelous: (sarcastically) Uh-huh. (We see that Chucky has caught up with Ronald and glances at "Devil's Lair", a type of haunted house ride. Inside, Ronald has managed to get stuck and Chucky has him.) NC: Anyway, Tyler manages to get himself kidnapped again at the fair, and it looks like Chucky is finally taking a stab at being remotely confident. (As the Grim Reaper statue swings its scythe, the blade slices part of Chucky's face clean off. Chucky screams in pain.) Phelous: Oh, that's a real blade, is it? I think that'd be a safety issue, but then again, it's not a safety issue to have six-year-olds running around with no protective gear in war games. So, what do I know? Chucky: This is it, kid. End of the line! (As Chucky starts to perform the chant, Andy starts moving up the fake mountain of skulls. He blasts off Chucky's left arm, yet the doll continues the chant.) Phelous: Oh, so now nothing will stop you from finishing the chant, huh? NC: Well, you know, getting an arm shot off isn't as big a deal as someone walking into the room. (scoffs) Chucky: No! (screaming) (Chucky is thrown off of the fake mountain and falls right into the air conditioning fan at the bottom, which slices and dices him.) Phelous: So Chucky dies via the large, pointless, not-a-safety-issue-at-all fan. NC: And Andy gets hauled off to jail to continue his never-ending disappointment of life. Phelous: So once again, the biggest obstacle in Chucky's way...was himself. And the whole plot of him trying to switch into Tyler's body is based off an assumption never confirmed. So, yeah. It's quite possible Chucky spent the entire time trying to do something that wouldn't have worked anyway. NC: We spend a bunch of the film's running time on Andy doing random things at military school, which always seems like a different film. And the killer doll concept this time falls into being goofy the whole time rather than ever being scary. (opening titles from ''Bride of Chucky)'' Phelous: So yeah, it's not really hard to see why they ended up making the next Chucky film into a self-aware horror comedy. NC: Oh, great. This film's gotta be the STUPIDEST thing Chucky's ever been a part of! Phelous: Yeah, well, besides that time he was on WCW and challenged Rick Steiner to a wrestling match. NC: Okay, I know wrestling does some pretty stupid shit, but that never happened. (Cut to footage of WCW Monday Nitro in 1998, during Rick Steiner and Gene Okerlund's interview.) Chucky: (on screen) Who you calling a dummy? Gene Okerlund: Yeah, we call ya. Rick Steiner: You're a dummy. Chucky: I came here to talk to that idiot standing next to ya. Gene Okerlund: What? Hey, hey! Rick Steiner: Bring your raggedy rear end down here! You got something to say to me? Chucky: Like that, wouldn't you, Ricky? NC: (pause) How would that even work? Phelous: Oh, it was an absolutely brilliant wrestling match. Take a look. (The scene changes to a Photoshopped wrestling ring with "Totally Real TV" in the lower right corner, with a cut-out image of Rick Steiner lying on the ground. A cut-out image of Chucky with his face all stitched up moves onto the ring.) Phelous: (mimicking Gene Okerlund) "Looks like Chucky's gonna do his new finishing move, the Stabber!" (Rick Steiner gets up, but a blade appears in Chucky's hand and the doll stabs him. Steiner falls to the ground, "blood" spurting from him.) Phelous: (mimicking Gene Okerlund) "Holy shit! Rick Steiner's down!" NC: I hate you, Phelous. Phelous: I know. NC: I'm the Nostalgia Critic. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna shit this crap outta my system. Phelous: Wait, Critic! Did you forget? (A sound of a toilet flushing is heard and the sound of someone gurgling follows. The credits start rolling.) NC: Oh, God! Casper! I'm sorry! Casper! Casper, can you hear me? Oh, my god, Casper, please come back! Oh no! Please don't die! Please don't die again, 'cause you're already sorta dead. But, for the love of God, please! Come back! Come back to wherever it is ghosts go after they die. It's a little confusing. NC’s Casper: Oh, the pipes are what's so-- Can you believe what people flush down the toilet? I mean, so many disgusting things! I'm positive wonderfully proud I don't! NC: You have no genitalia. So, for the longest time, I didn't know if you were a boy or a girl. I found that very confusing. NC’s Casper: Oh, I'm gonna KILL YOU, Nostalgia Critic!!! I'm gonna KILL YOU for making me do this toilet joke so many times! Look where it's gotten me! Look where the toilet joke's gotten me! I've been flushed down the toilet so many damn times! NC: Are you dead? Are you not dead? Is there an afterlife? Can ghosts die? NC’s Casper: (appears in front of toilet) My life is Hell! Which I've been to! NC: You know what? Uh, fuck you. Forever. If that's possible, being dead and stuff. I mean... You know what? The Timing joke wasn't funny to begin with. (Channel Awesome logo) NC: Life and death is already very confusing for you just to throw this on top, just with your mere existence. NC’s Casper: I've been to Hell! NC: Look at me walk around. If you were really meta, you'd include all this somewhere. Precious guns. (kisses pistol) Phelous: (laughs) Oh, Simon Belmont, you slay me. (He turns around to see the pixelated Simon Belmont form ''Castlevania walk in from the right.)'' Phelous: No, don't! (Simon strikes Phelous with his whip, and Phelous disappears.) NC: (making funny noises) Sorry. (End of episode) Category:Content Category:Guides Category:The Nostalgia Critic Transcripts Category:Phelous Transcripts Category:Transcripts Category:Universal Studios